I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
