I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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