I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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