JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
