your parents love me but you hate me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
