She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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