Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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