why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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