He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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