You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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