so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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