i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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