she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
