I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
