i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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