p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
