It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
