you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
COCAINE IS GR8
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
