Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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