Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
