Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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