phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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