I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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