Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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