just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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