remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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