Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
