he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
