I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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