Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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