**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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