Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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