She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
