you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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