Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
