I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Blood and glitter go together right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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