if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
