please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
