i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
