Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
