it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
