I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
