Don't you send me to vm
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
