Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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