I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
