I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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