Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Terrible idea I love it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
