return my video game
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
