This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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