Define "chronic" masturbator.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
