Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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