Acid is not a monday night drug
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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