I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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