Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
