Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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