I skipped work to stalk him.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
