You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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