worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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