I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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