Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
