i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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