He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
